I took a particularly scenic route back to my hometown through the winding roads of Warren County arriving at our spot in Sussex. Along the way I was distracted by the roadside farm stands, vineyards and overall slow pace of the area…some of the very things that suffocated me as a teen. This time something clicked and I reduced my speed when I was told to and savored how picturesque it really was. It is amazing what living in a city for 7 years can do.
When I’m home I spend as much time as I can outdoors. The weather is so much cooler and the environment peaceful. I put the leash on the dog and wander through the woods where halfway down the path I’m always convinced we will have a run-in with a bear and quicken our pace.
I spent hours with my family which was a rare treat. Outside of holiday obligations and the stress that always inevitably causes most of us to bubble over. Living as far as I do things change and I neglect to notice. I don’t know if neglect is the word… happen…I don’t happen to notice. Anyway, this weekend erased all that and spent hours with my mama and got to visit with my brother, sister-in-law, and baby nephew. God, his sweetness is overwhelming.
Sunday I had him to myself as his stand-in babysitter. There was a moment when his mama left… he looked at me, I looked at him… he waiting to see what I would do, I him…the dog just pointed his nose in the air and started howling. Soon after, he followed suit. Suddenly as I held a shrieking baby in my arms I was overwhelmed with pity for him and for myself. J, can you believe that I thought I was ready to have a baby in the next couple years? That’s laughable! I said to him. The pity was short-lived as I thought about what his mama said Remember, babies cry. And others advising it is not at all personal. Right! At this moment, I tapped in to my formerly useless knowledge of signs of hunger and fatigue and rushed to assemble his bottle. Realizing this was impossible with a twenty pound baby on my hip, I placed him in the crib…fuck my crib he wailed, or something like that. We settled in on the couch and he went after that bottle like nobody’s business…halfway through he started touching my face and gazing into my eyes. I started tearing up for no reason, really, and he drifted off to sleep. The rest of the day I’ll tell you was simply wonderful.