Yesterday had a first-day-of-school vibe going for it and you’ll soon find out why. I woke up, had my breakfast. I watched inspirational videos that publicly I would roll my eyes at when in fact they really work! I worried a little, watched more videos. I hemmed and hawed over my choice of clothing. I changed, only once. I put on makeup which is cause for celebration in and of itself (It’s too fussy. Sorry.). I had my lunch. I got to my destination 20 minutes early. I waited around the corner until a respectable 5 minutes before start time and I walked in like this was business as usual. But let’s be real: I was nerding out.
I had a trial afternoon at a floral design studio. I have been talking about this for the better part of a year. Thinking about it for way more than that. I don’t have an answer for why I didn’t try sooner… though given that “fear” is even more consistently correct than, say, choosing “C” on a multiple choice exam, I’d go with that. I hate failing, just like everybody else. And with any type of creative work the potential for failure is great and the internal punishment that much worse. Did I mention I am a recovering perfectionist?
But yesterday I took a big step forward. Second only to the mega-leap I took last fall when I reached out to a hip-as-all-hell Brooklyn floral design studio on a whim when they were in need of Philly freelancers, and they said yes. They said yes to little ‘ol starry eyed me who is decidedly not a professional. But back to yesterday…We processed bundles BUNDLES of flowers from all corners of this earth (hello, Japan!) and I even made a bouquet that was sent out to human being that is not my mom! Happy. And to top it all off, I was sent home with a giant bundle of flowers unfit for sale but still totally lovable and you know how I feel about saving food and flowers from the garbage bin.
I won’t lie, I felt pretty damn good about myself walking home with my giant bundle in tow. After all, I spent the day with cool humans surrounded by beautiful blooms, how could I not feel good? Back home, I sorted my bounty then cracked open some bubbly. Necessary. Especially because yesterday was our engagement anniversary and, well, I f-ing love anniversaries. And spring. And getting out of my own way.
A word to others trying to learn in unconventional ways or move forward in your practice but you’re holding back: Just get on with it. The kindness of strangers and the likelihood that they will give you a shot may surprise you. Repeat after me: Everyone was where I am once… Some people remember that more clearly than others. And whether or not you’re successful doesn’t really matter…because the feeling of putting the effort forth in the first place is addictive and even if you fail, it’s likely you’ll go back for more.
Let me know if you want the link to some of those motivational videos : – )